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Barking - an authorative guide to degrees of insanity

Exactly how mad are you or anyone else?

Work it out with the Lancaster-Fine Insanity Index.

It is scaled to the London Underground map, where if you're Barking you're clearly mad. Stay on the District Line East leads only to hyperlunacy ending at Upminster. Swop platforms takes you into the westerly realms of compos mentis terminating at total dullness in Richmond.

The Lancaster-Fine Insanity Index is a precise instrument. Temple is a well-balanced rounded individual, both level-headed yet appreciative of whimsy. Two minutes to Charing Cross indicates a small but significant drop in imagination, while a stop the other way to Blackfriars is evidence of potential loopiness, (especially as it shares tracks with the Circle Line.)

Split personality traits are indicated by bifurcations in the line, cf "He's a bit High Street Ken, Brompton Road" or "Chiswick Park, Gunnersbury" while temporary derangement is "Kensington (Olympia)" which is only open at certain times of the year and the lunar cycle.

By this reckoning the Lit-Net crew were last sighted off the Essex coast between Frinton-on-the-Sea and Walton-on-the-Naze drifting steadily east in a pea-green boat.

For cranial justification of the Index, please see the Fine-Delaney Brain Cell Theory.
© 2001; John Lancaster D.Litt & David Fine FA Teaching Cert.
 
 
 

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